Friday, July 28, 2006

Want to share something

Normally I shy away from telling anything really personal, but I feel like I should share this. A couple of months ago I was diagnosed with depression. Everyone who knew me was shocked by this. I have to admit I was too. I knew something wasn’t right. I did seem to lose my normal zest for everything. But I assumed my thyroid levels were off again, no big deal. I am the kind of person who works around things. Then the sleep trouble started and I was averaging only a couple hours a sleep a night. If anyone has ever had a sleep problem you know how this disrupts your life. My writing suffered the most I just couldn’t seem to focus. I went to the doctor for my sleeping problem, he asked a ton of questions and took blood test etc. When he came back with the diagnoses of chemical depression I had to ask him just what in the heck was that? The chemicals in my brain were off due to the constant stress I was under and unexpressed anger. I trust my doctor so I begin taking meds for this depression. At first nothing really happened, but slowly I started to sleep good again, the brain fog started to lift and I started to feel like myself again. I didn’t realize just how bad my depression was until the meds started to work. Thankfully I only have to take the meds for about 6-9 months. I really hate taking meds. But I have learned something from all of this. I am not wonder woman and I should really listen to my body and not to push aside negative feelings. I need to reduce the amount of stress in my life and learn to tell people hey you’re pissing me off. I tend to let my anger build until I explode. I have to learn to vent my anger. Reducing stress will be hard I have so much coming at me at once. It’s not so much my career it’s more my personal life. I have two teenage boys and a ten year old daughter. If you have children you know how stressful being a mother is. My husband is a big source of my stress and so to is keeping my household running smoothly. Slowly I am learning to approach things differently, express myself more clearly. And I have to tell you it feels fucking good.

I started writing “A Song for My Warrior” before I was diagnosed. I struggled with this book at first so I just set it aside. I loved the character Alistair and wanted to make sure I did him justice. When I plotted the book out right after “A Warrior’s Will” was released I was really excited about the story. I wanted to wait until I had that excitement back before I wrote another word. Then a month or so later after I began my meds, I sat down to write a short story that was batting around in my mind, all of a sudden the storyline for “A Song for My Warrior” started to weave itself. I started writing that day and ended up writing for four hours. That same excitement for my book filled me and I knew it was time to focus on this book. You have no idea just how wonderful it felt to sit down at my computer and write everyday like I use to do. I knew then I was well on the road to recovery.

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